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25 February 2008 @ 08:01 pm
Fic: Life is a soap opera 2  
Title: Life is a soap opera (2/?)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Daniel Agger/Steve Finnan, Daniel Agger/Fernando Torres, mentions of Fernando Torres/Steven Gerrard, Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso
Summary: A few days after this one horrible day in Daniel’s life, he still has no idea how to cope with all of that.
Disclaimer: About as true as the easter-bunny.
A/N: It took me horribly long to write that second part, I know and I still don’t like it... *sighs*

Part One  

If there’s one thing I have learned out of this whole thing with Fernando, it’s the fact that I’m pathetic. My whole life is pathetic and for any reason, I’m not even shocked or sad by this. I have accepted it the night I threw myself into the arms of one of my best friends, because my boyfriend cheated on me. Not that I really cheated on my Fernando, it was already over, when I slept with Finns. Well, actually, we never really broke up, but is that really necessary after he cheated on me? I don’t think we need an official break-up. But that doesn’t change the fact, that this all is really depressing.
Nando tried to talk to me a few times since this day but I didn’t really listen to him. I don’t want his excuses. What does it help me when he tells me that he’s sorry? He hurt me with cheating on me, he broke all the promises he made, and no ‘Daniel, I’m sorry!’ or ‘Daniel, it was one night, it won’t happen ever again!’ could change that. And here we come to the second thing I’ve learned: My oh so pathetic life is full of stupid, annoying, soap-like clicheés. Even all the things he told me... ‘It’s not what it looks like.’ is definitely my favourite. It’s so... silly! If it wouldn’t hurt so much, I could almost laugh about it... I mean, that really is too clicheé. There’s no way, a halfway clever human being on this world would actually believe that. Really nobody can be that stupid and believe that. ‘It’s not what it looks like.’... Oh my... Even all the things I said after I’ve just had discovered them were more sensible than that! And that really means something.
So yeah, right now I’m sitting on a bench in the dressing room and stare at Fernando, who is standing a few metres away from me. Perhaps I should just forget my pride and stop avoiding him. Talking to him can’t make things any worse, can it? Probably not, but I’m not in the mood of talking to him right now. In fact I don’t think I’ll ever be in that mood in the near future, I just can’t forgive him what he’s done. With Stevie... I squirm at the memory and I suddenly feel sick. Will I ever get those images out of my head? I really hope so. It’s just... not right! Stevie and Nando... Nando and Stevie... Oh god...
But Fernando and Steven are not the only ones I’m avoiding at the moment. Steve Finnan definitely is at the top of my current list. I haven’t talked to him since our night together and he hasn’t tried to talk to me either, he’s just as embarrassed as I am about this whole... thing. As if I don’t have enough problems already...
“Daniel? Are you okay?”, it’s Xabi who interrupts my moping and sits down next to me with a worried frown. It’s a bit funny how everyone worries about me, cares for me, except of the one who should do exactly that, given that he was my boyfriend not so long ago. Fernando. But he cared more for himself, more for his cock, than for me.
“Daniel?”, Xabi repeats and I realize that I haven’t answered his question yet. ‘Are you okay?’... Sure, everything’s just fine! Who wouldn’t be okay, after his boyfriend cheated on him? I want to say ‘Yes, everything’s fine’, but... In the end I say “No.”. Great. Now I have to tell him everything, it’s simply impossible to lie to a Xabier Alonso Olano. I just hope that I don’t end up sleeping with him too...
“You need to get over it, Daniel. No-one is helped when you keep moping about this whole thing like you’re doing now.”
I stare at him, my mouth wide open. Where the hell... What the... When he flashes me a tired smile, I suddenly remember all those rumours. Damn. How could I forget that? All those rumours about Stevie and Xabi... I always thought that these had to be at least a bit true and when I now look at Xabi, it’s obvious that the rumours are completely true and for a moment I even forget how angry I’m at Nando and feel incredibly sorry for Xabi and a very, very stron dislike for Steven Gerrard.
“This bastard!”, I exclaim and he only sighs heavily.
“No, he isn’t.”, he says much to my surprise. Ooooookay... Xabi is weird, very weird... Well, I already knew that but he always manages to surprise me, how weird he actually is.
“But... but he cheated on you! With Nando!” Perhaps he doesn’t know it, perhaps I got him wrong and he isn’t even ralking about that.
“I know.”, he answers. Seems like I got him perfectly right. He knows it.
“And you’re not mad at him?”
“Not the slightest bit?”, I ask disbelieving. What the fuck is wrong with that Spaniard?
“He told me he’d never do it again. And I believe him.”
I stare at him. Crazy Spaniard. I want to tell him exactly this, that he’s crazy and definitely not normal but all I can do is stutter a few “But”’s and a shocked “Why?”. Impressive. I’m still as quick-witted as a few days ago, when I caught my Fernando having sex with Xabi’s Stevie. Wait... Not my Fernando. Xabi’s Stevie, but not my Nando. He’s someone else’s Fernando now perhaps. I don’t know whose and I don’t know if there’s already someone else but I have the feeling that Alvaro soon will have to share his title as our team slut with Fernando. Poor Alvaro. He won’t like that.
“It may be a bit silly.”, Xabi begins thoughtfully, “But... If you love someone, really love someone, you forgive him almost everything. Even if he cheated on you with one of your best friends. Even that.”, he smiles weakly, “Stupid, no?”
“Yeah...”, I murmur without really knowing what I’m saying. As weird as Xabi can be, he definitely knows what he’s saying. He always says things, I would never come up with. I wonder where he gets all his wise sayings from. Probably from fortune cookies...
I watch Fernando standing at his locker, obviously avoiding Stevie, who is also avoiding him and I realise, that I too believe Stevie. Him and Fernando was a one-time thing and they both regret it. But that realisation somehow doesn’t change a thing. I’m still mad at Fernando and it doesn’t really matter to me if he regrets it now or not. He cheated on me. End of this story.
“Daniel, there’s something you have to ask yourself. Do you really love Fernando? I’m sure you like him a lot, but is it enough to forgive him? If it is, go to him, talk to him and solve your problems. If it’s not... Stop sulking and move on, Daniel.”
With that, Xabi is gone and I... well, I have no idea of what to do now. Again. Perhaps I should get used to this feeling. I’ve had it quite often lately. And I hate it! I want my old life back! I want the old Daniel Agger back. The Daniel Agger, who doesn’t cry, who is tough and wears a cool leather jacket. The Daniel Agger, who has a fitting remark for every situation and who is never ever clueless of what to do. I really miss my old self. My old self would never have slept with Steve and therefore would have one problem less. But obviously, this old, cool Danny Agger is on holiday or something like that and got replaced by a bad and soap-like version.
I now look at Xabi, who is standing by Stevie and talks to him, smiling at him as if nothing ever happened. I still can’t believe that he has forgiven that damn cheater. I couldn’t do that. Oh. Well, if Xabi is right this just means that I’m not really in love with Fernando. Either that, or Xabi has talked utter bullshit, which I doubt. Xabi is like a badly written character in a badly written novel. Perfect. Always knows what to say. I remember that I once read something about characters like that in the internet. Mary-Sue, that’s what they’re called. I can’t help but grin. Xabi, the Mary-Sue. Xabier Mary-Sue Alonso. That’s it. I’ve gone nuts...
Okay, to sum it up: My boyfriend has cheated on me and I just realized that I, according to a spanish and male Mary-Sue, never really was in love with him. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it me or is some higher might having a laugh at me right now? What have I done wrong to deserve such a mess? Sure, I annoyed my siblings and my parents a lot when I was younger and I still do, but that’s no reason for that! Perhaps that’s the punishment to prefer men over women... But Nando does that too and he doesn’t live in such a shitty life! I hate my life... No, not really. Just sometimes. On days like this. One could think, that Stevie would deserve something like that, but nooooooo... He cheats on his boyfriend with my boyfriend and simply gets away with that. Is that fair? No, it isn’t. I sigh and rub my eyes. But why am I even complaining? I shouldn’t be so surprised about how unfair my life can be...
I stand up and get ready to leave, there’s just no point in staying here and staring at Fernando. I need to get home and think. Think about me, Fernando, Stevie, Xabi and well, Finns. Wow, that’s a hell lot to think about... I can feel Fernando’s eyes on me and gulp. I know I have to talk to him sooner or later, but right now, I’d prefer later. I can’t bring myself to do that. Not now and best never. Apart from me being still very mad at him, I just don’t really trust myself. Knowing me, I would either break down and cry in front of him or I’d pounce on him and start to punch him or I’d start to snog him senseless, fuck him there and then and forgive him everything. Considering that I’m living in a soap opera, the third option would be the most probable, although I’m not sure, if I don’t prefer the second one...
I’m standing at my car when again, someone calls my name and I freeze to the spot. Oh fuck. That really is definitely the last thing I needed today. Damn. I think about just getting into my car and ignore him but... my legs just don’t do what I want them to and that can be really, really bad sometimes. For example now. I turn around and force myself to smile. “Hey Steve.”, I say and try to sound as normal as possible, try to make him believe that his presence isn’t bothering me the slightest. Needless to say that I’m failing completely.
Steve just looks at me and if that doesn’t remind me of that evening... Oh dear... Nervously I fiddle with the keys for my car and avoid his intense gaze.
“W-w-what?”, I stutter and Finns remains silent for a few more seconds, then he says: “We need to talk.” If only I hadn’t asked...
“Yeah? About what?” Yes, Daniel, act as if nothing happened, I’m sure that will work...
“You know about what.”, Steve answers and of course he’s right. I know what he’s talking about, how couldn’t I? I’ve thought about it nonstop the last fucking days!
“What do you want to talk about?”, I reply, my voice shaky. What the hell am I saying?
“You are kidding me, Daniel, aren’t you?”, Steve says disvelieving and I agree with him. Even I don’t know what I’m saying! I should now tell him something like “Oh yes, Steve, let’s talk.” Or “My place or yours?”. No, he could get that wrong... Anyway, I should just say that I understand him, that I know we have to talk but instead all I hear me saying is: “Listen, Finns. There really is nothing to talk about. It was a One-Night-Stand, nothing more. It won’t happen ever again, just forget it.” With that I get into my car and drive away, surpressing the very strong urge to bang my head against the steering wheel. I have no idea, why I said what I said. I don’t think there are worse things to say to your friend with whom you’ve slept in such a situation.
Damn. I should drive back, apologize and talk to him but that would mean I have to think about the mess my life is and then I’d get frustrated again. So I just continue to act as if nothing happened. I’m not very good at this, I have to admit, but I never was a good actor. I want to turn my radio on to distract myself but knowing my luck I’m pretty sure that every channel is playing love songs at this very moment and I can really do without that. No radio then. Great.
I enter my flat and lock the door behind me. I think it would be best to never come out of here again and since I’m apparently suffering from a never-ending injury, only a few people would actually notice that I’m not leaving my flat. So why don’t I just do that? Would definitely make my life a lot easier. Another life would ve the easiest though... When I was younger, I always kind of feared that I’d never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Then there was Sophie and she somehow made me believe that I could settle down with someone, with her, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be. Fernando didn’t make me believe that I could settle down with him. With him I was sure that I had found the right one. The ‘Special One’. Eew... no... Oh god... That’s gross... I suddenly have this image of a Fernando Torres/Jose Mourinho mix in my mind. Oh. My. God. How am I going to get rid of that image?? Not that Mourinho is ugly, he’s actually quite attractive... Jesus, Daniel! Stop thinking that! Fernando, what have you done with me?
And here we are again: Fernando. Okay, no excuses anymore and no more distracting myself with the looks of a Jose Mourinho. It’s Fernando now and Steve and I really have to solve this problem now. I mean, as invitingly as staying in my flat for the rest of my life sounds, I don’t really think it would work out...
Am I really in love with him? Jesus, it’s so depressing to not be sure about something like that... I should know it, shouldn’t I? I really should know if I’m in love with someone or not. Before that day I always thought that Nando was my true love, that our relationship would last forever and now... I can’t really accept that I’ve fallen out of love with Fernando, I mean, when the fuck did that happen? And there’s Finns also, and I like him, I like him a lot, perhaps even more than I’m supposed to, given that I’m thinking of him as one of my best friends. Well, I was thinking of him as such... I’m not so sure about that anymore. I’m not sure about anything at the moment! I wonder if Nando ever really loved me... He said so, yes, but why did he cheat on me then? Is he having similar thoughts as I have? Or is he fucking with someone else and doesn’t even think about me?
I sigh. What am I going to do now? What does all these people in soap operas do? Perhaps I should call Sophie and ask her... No, I can’t do that. We may still get along together very well, but I can’t just ask my ex-girlfriend for advice in such a situation! Would be a funny conversation. ‘Hey, Sophie! Listen,my boyfriend cheated on me and I had sex with Steve Finnan. Any idea what I should do now?’ Her reaction would be priceless. But I like her too much, I couldn’t do that to her. Sophie was a great girlfriend, it isn’t her fault that we didn’t work and I have to admit, that I miss her a bit. If I had stayed with her, I wouldn’t have so many problems now. Sophie would never have betrayed me. But I had to fall for Fernando... The spanish Prince Charming. I wonder how many people already fell for his charme, his freckles, his tattoos, the innocent look in his eyes... Groaning, I let myself fall on the couch and close my eyes. It shouldn’t be so hard to find an answer to this simple question. Do I love Fernando?
I think I’ve now reached the point where I can’t protract it anymore. I have to talk to Fernando.
A few minutes later, 16 to be exact, I’m standing in front of Nando’s door. Ha! I’m not referring to him as ‘my Nando’ anymore! I’m so good!
But anyway. So I’m standing in front of his door, staring at it as if it was something glibbery and disgusting and I don’t really have the courage to ring that stuoid bell. I don’t like it, but I’m frightened. I don’t want to talk to him, but I have to. It’s apparently the only way for me to find an answer to that all deciding question. I take a deep breathe and stare at the door for a few more minutes. I think I’ve stood in front of that door longer, than I’ve actually been driving here... Okay Daniel. Get a grip on yourself! You’ve rang this bell a thousand times before, it can’t be that hard! But truth is: It is that hard. Okay... On the count of three. One... two... three... one... two... three... one... two... three...
Oh dammit! Standing in front of this door and counting to three again and again without doing something really doesn’t help. I stare at the bell once more, gulp, raise my hand, ring and regret it immediately. But now it’s too late. I’ve rang and I already can hear someone walking to the door. Oh god... I think I have to throw up... This was a bad idea, a really bad idea... Very bad. Worst idea ever. Complete bull- At this moment the door is opened and I stare at Fernando. God, he looks amazing.
“Daniel?”, he really is surprised, I can tell. And he is so cute when he’s surprised, I could almost start squealing like a little girl...
I just stand there and gawp at him like a goldfish.
“Come in.”, my Fernando says nervously. Oh shit. I’m back to the ‘my’.
I follow him into his living-room and there’s an awkward silence between us, then...
“I’ve slept with Finns.” Oh... fuck. Why the hell did I just say that? Please, please, can’t the ground just swallow me? Please? Could I’ve said anything worse than that? I didn’t even want to mention that! It just slipped me! What a great way to start this conversation...
“Oh?”, is all Fernando can stutter, completely shocked.
“Yeah, you know, he found me after I saw you and... well, he took me to his home and then... it happened.” I don’t know why I’m telling him this, I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want to know that I slept with Finns but to be honest, in my opinion, he kind of deserves this.
“Oh.”, Fernando says again and I’m a little bit annoyed. Can’t he say anything else than ‘Oh’?
“Is that all you’ve got to say?”, I snap at him and I know that I’m being unfair. I’m here, ringing his bell and telling him that I fucked with Steve. I wouldn’t be so happy either.
“Well, what do you want me to say?”, Fernando hisses, “That I’m happy for you that you’re now with Steve? ‘Cause I’m not!”
“I’m not with Finns! I had sex with him but that was it! And it would never have happened if you hadn’t been fucking around with Stevie!”
“Oh yeah! Blame everything on me!”, Nando starts yelling and I think that he’s being unfair now.
“So it’s my fault that you cheated on me?”, I yell back and cross my arms. Stupid arsehole.
“I already told you a thousand times that I’m sorry!”, Fernando exclaims and I snort. This man is unbelievable!
“But that doesn’t change a thing, Nando! You can say that you’re sorry as much as you want, I still can’t understand why you did that to me!”
“Daniel...”, Fernando sounds a bit desperate but I don’t really care. He can sound as desperate as he wants, I’m still angry. “Please, Daniel. I’m so, so sorry. I... it was just in the heat of the moment! I didn’t know what I was doing! And I don’t know why I did this. I didn’t want to hurt you. Please, you have to believe me, Danny! I...”
“Don’t... call... me... Danny!”, I growl at him. That’s Finns’ privilige! He’s the only one who’s allowed to call me that! Finns and only Finns. No-one else.
“Are you only here to argue with me, Daniel?”
I glare at him and I ask myself how I could ever think that I’m in love with him. “I’m sorry if I waste your precious time, Torres. I’m sure you’d have better thing to do than talking to me.”, I say coldly, “I bet there are a lot of men you could fuck right now. I’m really sorry for keeping you from that. I don’t know what I was thinking when I wanted to find out if I still love you. I’m going now and I promise you that I won’t bother you again. Good-bye, Fernando.”
I walk out of Fernando’s apartment, ignoring his pleading and his attempts to make me stay. After a few seconds, Nando finally gives up and if I hadn’t been already sure that we would never work, that would have given me certainty. If he really wanted me to stay, he would’ve fought harder.
I step into the elevator and after the door has closed in front of me, I shut my eyes and take a few deep breathes. I probably shouldn’t admit that, but I’m somehow relieved.
And I’m fucking proud of me.
Current Mood: tiredtired